So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
