He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
