I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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