last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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