Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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