I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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