i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
