i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Little spoons don't ask big questions
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
