I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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