The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize