I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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