Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
