so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
