So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
