make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
