My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
