We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
