Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
