True but thats because hes a fetus.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
birth control should be required to get into college
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
