My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
