nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
