Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
