**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Im part way to drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
