i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
