I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
