Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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