Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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