Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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