God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
