my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
