Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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