my mouth tastes like poor choices
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
