Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
