I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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