whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
