If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
