ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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