I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
