Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
