I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
