New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
