i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
