I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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