I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
