I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This house was built for laser tag.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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