Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
