Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
