Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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