dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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