YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
