hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
